I walked the wasteland
Mar 2nd, 2008 by spaceagesage
I grew up reading the published materials of a cult and joined same cult in my 20s. Some would argue the Worldwide Church of God (WCG) was not a cult, but it appeared to be so to mainstream Christians. Membership into the WCG came by invitation only. Doctrine focused on keeping a sundown to sundown Sabbath, observing Old Testament holy days, and living a very legalistic life of dos and don’ts to please God.
The WCG went mainstream a few years back, which caused a stormy division that fractured and splintered the membership. The event sent me searching to understand what had happened. I realized I had been sucking up to a seemingly distant God in co-dependent ways that had me trying to earn blessings of healing, conflict resolution, and wisdom in whiny, self-flagellating ways while authority figures and others — some unloving and some just cluelessly overbearing — piled up judgmental ways to make me feel guilty for never being good enough in their eyes of what it means to be Christian.
Since those cult days, I realized my view of God was warped by decades of distillation of the Bible into a code of conduct: “If you do this, God will love you; if you don’t do this, you are a bad sinner who is going to burn in hell.” I realized the urge to control a flock of believers this way was often too great of a temptation for many in ministry. I also realized how easy and convenient many people found it to just follow a list of dos and don’ts to earn salvation. That’s when it hit me: when it comes to understanding God, it is religion that gets in the way, it is doctrine that gets in the way, it is allowing others to think for you about who and what God is that gets in the way.
Just imagine if you had some taskmaster-type looking over your shoulder with a list of Correct Actions to Follow to keep you on track when making friends, when getting married, or when making life decisions. On the one hand, it would be invasive, but on the other hand some people like others to make these decisions for them. In either case, the results are either superficial and contrived relationships or externally motivated decisions. You would be taking actions, not from your heart, but from adherence to something outside yourself.
God, when invited, resides inside. God is love. When I am more fully connected to God, the love flows naturally out of me from inside, not because I am supposed to be loving. When I am more deeply grateful to God, gratitude flows out of me, not because I am supposed to be grateful. When I am more attuned to the creativity of God, creativity flows out of me, not because I am supposed to honor God by using his gifts.
I also know that despite his rep, the God of the Bible who I know is way cooler, more wildly passionate about his people, more humorous, more loving, and more gently patient than I could have ever dreamed. God has led me through the darkness — including the darkness of religiosity and Christian hypocrisy — and he was ultimately the source of light I wrote about in the poem a few posts ago. God revealed the misconceptions to me in a number of ways, including through the writings of various people that others might dismiss as New Age, some of which I list at the end of my About: Blog section.
Two things I know now: 1) God meets me where I am, not where other people think I should be, and 2) God knows how to work with me just fine by himself and through truly loving people he sends my way.
The other thing God is known for is letting humanity make choices. You don’t have to be a follower of his at all or even recognize his existence. That is an option we all have. As for me, despite the wasteland of Christianity I have walked through, I am finally getting to know God at age 48. I must admit, now that I see him through relationship and not doctrine, he rocks.
Your relationship with God is very similar to mine, in this post.
Is he a masculine figure to you, as it seems with your pronouns?
For the most part yes. No pronoun fits the bill adequately, so I opt for the most accepted one. Create a pronoun that covers the creator of time and space and the creator of male and female, and I will use it.
God does not fit in a box. God has always thought outside the box – – before there were boxes. You so eloquently described my similar experience. Thank you for putting it into words. I’m sharing this with my significant other.
Deb — thanks for your kind words. Quite the journey that the WCG took us on, but what does not kill us makes us stronger.
FYI for you ladies……….God does think inside of a box. He is simple, his truths are simple. The reason mankind has gone so astray and always trys to improve on things that are already perfect, is because they do just what you said……….Thinking outside of the box. It’s outside the box thinking that get’s one in trouble.
People rely to much up on there educations and the 10 percent of the brain that they are only capable of using. How can one even fathom or arrogantly assume to know how God thinks…..other than what he has written, when you are only using that much. To be a God, would be to use 100 percent, but given our human nature, we would immediately within an hours time, destroy all that is good and this planet that we live on.
I could go on, but I already know how human nature works, because I have it and you will immediately read this and get mad. Sorry to impart truth.
S from O
Scott — thanks for your input. I agree God’s truths are simple … and amazingly profound and life-changing all at the same time. I love that God accepts us where we are and guides us in a closer relationship to him on a path unique to each individual.