The battle within
Mar 5th, 2008 by spaceagesage
For some reason at the end of the evening recently part of me fills with self doubt. I have done enough work on my inner landscape to recognize it when it first hits. My body tenses, my shoulders rise up, my breathing shortens, and my mind runs to such thoughts as, “What am I doing writing a blog and opening myself up so?” or “I will never get last pages of the novel done,” or “The positive thinking might work on a lot of things, but it’s not working with finances and never will.” It is like the last remnants of my old, more critical self want to fight back from my work with releasing patterns of doubt, criticism and “can’t-thinking.”
Finally I let my breathing and muscles relax, and I talk myself down — or rather up — from the onslaught of negativity. I realize God has got my back, as he always has, and all things will work out just fine. I take a look at how far I have come in releasing old issues and how freeing it has been.
Then I look at our male cat all relaxed and stretched out on his back across my husband’s lap as we watch a little TV. The cat’s eyes, when open, are filled with a gentle look of comfort and of being loved. He has a little smile of contentment on his sleepy face, fully trusting my husband to not let him fall or to startle him. Loud, rhythmic purrs and little tail flips every now and again show the feline is slowly headed to Sleepland. The image is the essence of relaxation, of trust, and of complete safety and security.
I embrace the moment, and the doubt fades away.