Hydra-like depression
Mar 15th, 2008 by spaceagesage
The Depression Monster visited me again the last few days. It seems as I get rid of some negative thoughts and patterns of self-limiting talk, more pop up. Like the many headed and mythical Hydra whose heads kept growing back when cut off, my Monster jumps from one attack to another. This time the thoughts generated a nasty headache, too.
Louise Hay, in her book You Can Heal Your Life writes, “Headaches come from invalidating the self. The next time you get a headache, stop and ask yourself where and how you have just made yourself wrong.”
After thinking about it for a few, painful days, I realized that despite my last two posts on avoiding and moving away from “shoulding on my self” with guilt-inducing adherence to external views of what is right and wrong, I still have shoulds buried deep in my thinking. One of the thoughts was that my time writing this blog is great, but shouldn’t I do something else with my time that will bring in money to the household, and the other was that I am making great strides with personal growth, so shouldn’t I be doing better at that one problem area that seems to stay with me?
The reason these shoulds (or shouldn’ts) didn’t show up on my radar for awhile was that they lay almost at the subconscious level. It took awhile to weed out the noise of life and living to find these self-limiting thoughts. Healing depression is often like removing the layers of an onion, one at a time, always getting closer to the underlying core. I think the headache came as an indicator for me to change my thoughts, thus change my life; otherwise those self-limiting thoughts could crop up again and again, in varying ways. Actually, they still might, but each revealing encounter with them seems to make me stronger and them weaker.
OK self: I choose to let go of these self-limiting thoughts which pull me down, and instead I embrace the understanding that only right action is taking place in my life, that suffering through “shoulds” is an option I choose not to take, and that I am moving towards a healthy, healing place where my body and mind are energetic, peaceful, and creative.
Wow. I am proud of you for facing those layers in you.
In that metaphor, I’m pretty sure that though the layers get smaller, they are more intense in flavor (and make you cry more). I don’t know if that helps or hinders, but just to cover my butt, my dear Grandmother once told me (in reference to my arthritis as a child) that we are only presented with obstacles that we can overcome.
You’re only given these hundreds of layers of OnionMonsters because you are meant to conquer them. Those of us who have no monsters aren’t advanced/aware/capable to figure them out and share the answers with the world.
So please share; I need the help. Thanks!
p.s. BTW, in being depressed, and looking at that monster in the eye, you’re saving the world, too!
Seeker — I LOVE the further metaphor on the onion! You are right on about that. Thanks for your wisdom and insight. Looks like your own pain has made you go deeper than most, too.