Letting go of the ‘owe’
Mar 19th, 2008 by spaceagesage
Another Dr. Wayne Dyer quote I like is “Relationships based on obligation lack dignity.” When I feel someone “owes” me, I degrade our relationship because I am seeking control over another’s actions — I want them to return some favor. In those rare occasions when I have been able to give out of a truly giving heart, I found I could completely detach from outcome so I didn’t even need to receive a thank you.
I am not wired naturally this way, especially given that I live in a culture where most transactions involve both parties receiving something from the deal and in a world where everyone understands, “If you scratch my back; I will scratch yours.”
I find it hard to give without some small string becoming attached or having some expectation of a return — at least a thank you would be nice. But when I give with the idea that I am going to get a return on my “investment,” I am not really giving from my heart, but rather out of an ego wanting to control the other person’s actions back toward me.
I think we all want to be able to give wildly, passionately, and meaningfully. That’s why the bumper sticker exists that reads, “Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.” When I follow that advice, I don’t do it with the need to seek recompense. Instead, I give and let go of the giving so it can travel onward on its own.