Reputation and well-being
Mar 29th, 2008 by spaceagesage
“Let go of your reputation,” writes long-time self help author Dr. Wayne Dyer. He doesn’t mean I am free to do things that my mother wouldn’t be proud of me doing. He means let go of other people’s control over my happiness and sense of well-being.
Here’s what he writes in his book The Power of Intention: “Your reputation is not located in you. It resides in the minds of others. Therefore, you have no control over it at all. If you speak to 30 people, you will have 30 reputations.” He also frequently quotes T. Cole-Whittaker, “What you think of me is none of my business.”
Growing up as a people pleaser, especially to authority figures, I let myself be led too many times as I tried to live up to other people’s expectations. I wanted my high school basketball coach to see I was worthwhile, I wanted college professors to see my skills, I wanted bosses to care about me — and I was willing to either intellectually dummy myself down or follow blindly their ways of doing things.
Yes, I questioned authority enough to feel pretty good about myself along the way, but part of me still felt needy for approval. It was a constant internal battle.
Just recently I exchanged emails with a church authority figure. I had my opinion on a subject, and he had his. Having come from a religious background where questioning church authority was not allowed, this was an area where I would usually back down in some way. This time, however, I did not play the dummy, apologize for my opinion, or attempt to please in any way. It was a straight up dialog with neither one of us playing the lesser human. It was the first time in a long time that my neediness for approval did not override my inner worth.
“It’s surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you’re not comfortable within yourself, you can’t be comfortable with others.”