Perfectionism — curse and blessing
Apr 8th, 2008 by spaceagesage
I grew up in a family of perfectionists where achievement was often valued over relationships or personal growth. The result is I can be quite diligent, trustworthy, and professional, but at the same time, I often feel the weight of these negative feelings: the fear of failure, fear of disapproval, and fear of being seen as inadequate.
Another problem with perfectionism is that working toward a goal or even achieving it is not enough because the drive to do it perfectly often ends up robbing a person of much of the feeling of satisfaction, either in the work or in attaining the goal.
It has taken me decades to realize that failures to achieve or just making mistakes along the way need not be emotional hell holes. I have tried to leave behind the all-or-nothing thinking I grew up with and replace it with realization that learning, wisdom and common sense come from both success and failure. To quote Havelock Ellis, “It is on our failures that we base a new and different and better success.”
One of the best ways to attack the fear-factor of failure for me has been to ask myself, Where does this fear come from anyway and does it serve a function? Dr. Wayne Dyer says that by shifting from fear to curiosity about whatever is bothering us helps by allowing us to look at it with new eyes.
I also try to set smaller, reachable goals. For example, this blog involves short writings, but when I first thought about a blog, I figured I must generate a month’s worth of writings before I began. Finally I just jumped in, and I write whenever the mood strikes me.
My perfectionism has been both a strength and a weakness, but I am finding how to better control it instead of the other way around. That way, I can turn it off and on whenever I need it, turning the weaker part of perfectionism into a strength.
Learning is making mistakes until our subconscious mind
can put together the right pictures.
~ Louise Hay ~
Perfectionism is very difficult to live with for me. I am often under a lot of stress and anxiety because of it, as you said “fear”… although I always wonder “what if” which only compounds the situation. I often get frustrated with people over things I should be upset about. Sometimes I can stop myself but sometimes I’m too late. But I understand how you feel completely. thanks for the blog it was comforting to know that I am not alone.
S3mp3rH4ck3r@aol.com
S3mp3r H4ck3r — it takes time to move beyond perfectionism, but the change brings a lot of inner strength. One way to change is to learn more about it. A decent overview can be found at: http://www.coping.org/growth/perfect.htm