Is your ‘can’t’ mindset creating failure?
Apr 23rd, 2008 by spaceagesage
Have you ever met people who seem to live in a rut of negativity? It is as if their world revolves around complaining, whining, fault-finding, and lengthy explanations of why they can never succeed. They are masters of the blame game, and their favorite conversations include thoughts like: That will never work, or I sure wish things would get better, but they never do, or If they would help me with a loan, all this would work out, because it is not really my fault that I am in this mess.
These people bask and wallow and live daily in the word can’t. They see the world as out to get them via the boss, their family, the government, or the mysterious they.
Have you ever been there yourself?
I haven’t quite gone that negative in my life, but I have felt can’t dragging me down. When can’t is in ascension in my life, I tend to say no more often to people, situations, and ideas because they seem so burdensome or energy draining. No, I can’t make it up there this weekend. No, I have tried that before, but it doesn’t work. No, it will take too much time out of my life to help them out.
Dr. Wayne Dyer, through his book The Power of Intention, helped me turn my no into yes.
One of the most effective means for transcending ordinary and moving into the realm of extraordinary is saying yes more frequently and eliminating no almost completely. I call it saying yes to life … Making yes your inner mantra allows you to extend yes outside of yourself and attract more of yes into your own personal intending.
Before you think this yes, yes, yes to life stuff involves becoming a doormat to everyone, let me explain. I used to see the negative, play devil’s advocate, and put up a defensive wall. I pretty much followed the rule: Say no first and ask questions later. I even said no to God on occasion. When I realized I could start thinking yes as a natural response first, I found doors, hearts, and minds opening like never before. It was if I had finally put out a welcome mat to life instead of locking the door. I could still set boundaries with people about my time, money, etc., but that even became a yes in that I said yes to healthy boundaries!
POCKET-THOUGHT:
We can change ourselves by changing our thoughts about the world and about ourselves. Holding too tightly to a negative view limits us. Opening up to a positive view creates opportunities we may have not noticed before.
How do you stay positive in an often negative world?
My husband uses “can’t” a lot, and it drives me crazy. I think it’s a self defense mechanism, to set expectations low and avoid disapopinting anyone. But it kills me to hear the word coming out of his mouth.
If you come up with the answer for eliminating this negative mindset, let me know!
Wonderful Post! I too celebrated my 48th year with a sharp mind and new little aches and pains I can’t remember from my youth.
I am especially entranced by the idea that our mindset can create failure: how true.
I represent author Susan Hanshaw and her upcoming book “Inner Architect: How To Build The Life You Were Designed To Live.”
Would you consider reviewing the book when it comes out in June?
The following is a tiny snipet from Susan’s very popular article “Tips for Maintaining Positive Energy”
http://innerarchitect.wordpress.com/2008/02/09/tips-for-maintaining-positive-energy/
Thanks again and we hope to see you soon!
dean guadagni and susan hanshaw
innerarchitect.com; innerarchitect.wordpress.com
it’s better to use “can”… 😛 very positive
bejewell — we can’t change other folks without coming across as invasive or nagging, so patience is always a key. Maybe you can copy off some of my posts on positive vs. negative thinking and ask him to talk about the subject? It is tough for folks to dig into their insecurities, so loving gentleness is better than being a ramrod.
innerarchitect — thanks! Can you send me a copy when it comes out?
ineedluv — nice to see your comments again.
Spaceagesage,
I will place you on our blogroll. Would you send me an email requesting a copy of the book?
Thanks so much we look forward to your feedback!
dean and susan
dean and susan — thanks and best wishes on the book sales! I will get you that email.