Can we stop playing the blame game?
Apr 25th, 2008 by spaceagesage
The blame game can be rather funny when you see it in others:
Many years ago, I was at a family reunion picnic. A woman there had to take her daughter’s dog home by car for one reason or another. When the woman returned, she fumed with outrage. She had been stopped for speeding and received a ticket.
“If it wasn’t for that darn dog, I would have never gotten this ticket!” she said, her voice filled with anger as she waved a piece of paper in the air.
My odd sense of humor tried to imagine the dog actually being the cause of her speeding, and I came up with some funny cartoon-like images in my mind, but then it came back to me, How could she blame the dog? I was tempted to blurt out that the dog didn’t have anything to do with the ticket, and she was the one with the heavy foot, but I decided not to start a family feud and tried instead to wipe the sarcastic look off my face.
But then I realized, I have played the blame game myself. I don’t know anyone who is immune to it, because as Erica Jong says, “Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.”
According to the web site www.coping.org — an online public service reference “for coping with a variety of life’s stressors” authored by James J. Messina, Ph.D. and Constance M. Messina, Ph.D. — some of the terms used to describe those people who won’t accept personal responsibility include:
Martyrs, self-pitying, depressed, losers, quitters, chronically angry, dependent personalities, complainers, addictive personalities, blamers, stubborn, persons in denial, troubled people, stuck, fearful, pessimists, despondent, mentally unstable, obstinate, hostile, aggressive, irresponsible, weak, guilt ridden, resistant to help, passive, irrational, insecure, neurotic, obsessed, (and) lost.
POCKET-THOUGHT:
None of us want to have those descriptions applied to us, but we all have passed through stages in our lives during which those descriptions might fit us. How many times have we said things like this ourselves: He makes me so angry? or Everyone seems to be against me, or If it wasn’t for my (fill in the blank), things would be different, and I would be (fill in the blank).” The problem with these statements and the blame game is that they reflect the notion that we are powerless.
How hard is it to stop playing the blame game?
Humans are stubborn creatures. We just aren’t willing to admit mistakes, and the blame game is a way to not have to take responsibility.
Leafless makes some great points. I think people wake up to this after they have hit rock bottom and stand up to dust themselves off. You have a fine, informing blog. Keeps me positive when needed. Thanks,
peace,
leafless — misterbooks — thanks for your insights. Yes, hitting bottom (when things are so bad from our own lack of responsibility that they can’t get any worse) can be a great motivator, and I try to write this blog with the intent that folks don’t have to go that far to find some wisdom to change.