SpaceAgeSage

“Coke whore.” When I first heard that term applied to someone, I had recently moved to Aspen, Colorado, as a junior in high school. Just a country girl fresh from the farm in rural Oklahoma, I was shocked to learn that a coke whore spent her time providing her services for the pleasure of snorting lines of cocaine. These women aged rapidly with wrinkles appearing unnaturally early. As the band the Eagles sing about in their song, Life in the Fast Lane:

There were lines on the mirror,
lines on her face.
She pretended not to notice,
she was caught up in the race.

In the 10-plus years I lived and worked in Aspen, I learned quite a bit about those who become addicted to substances, to fame, to fortune, to thrill seeking moments, to attention, to risk-taking adrenaline highs, or to the fast lane. For them, the grass seemed greener on the other side or the world outside the window seemed more tantalizing than the love of home. All of them ran to something outside themselves to self-medicate instead of looking inside to heal their childhood wounds, to overcome their insecurities, and to face the reality that we all have to do our own Inner Work to become better people.

We all have our addictions, some healthier than others. I was addicted to the martial arts for years, and it did me more good than harm. Some people are workaholics at their jobs to the point of addiction, but they probably wouldn’t call it harmful unless it ruined relationships and health. I have family members who are addicted to being productive and proving their worth through doing. It doesn’t kill right away, but it has been known to cause heart attacks.

Who is a likely addict?
Many people who are substance-dependent or extreme risk takers often show an inability to stay calm, stable, and soothed. They don’t self-regulate their emotions well and are driven by their moods more than the other way around. Also, addicts don’t usually feel like they are in control of their lives, thus they feel they aren’t to blame. The lack of control inside and a perceived lack of control outside makes for two deadly dance partners who leave the addict stuck in dependence. Add the withdrawal factor — whether from substances, or adrenaline, or being put on a pedestal — and addiction becomes a very nasty ball and chain.

I once heard this axiom and realized in many ways it is true, “Happiness is directly proportional to the control that we feel we have over our lives.” If this is true, it is easy to see why so many folks aren’t very happy in life, especially addicts. (There is also the idea of letting go of the need to control to find happiness, but that will be another post.)

POCKET-THOUGHT:
We all have healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms, but sometimes we are blind to just how lethal or unhealthy our work-arounds, our wannabe ways, or our shortcuts can be. If people who care about you are telling you to change something in your life to help you become healthier and more sane, it might be a good time to listen.

I just found this quote by Virginia Satir, American psychologist and educator, 1916-1988:

Life is not what it’s supposed to be. It’s what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.

So, how are you coping?

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Photo credit:  speech path girl

Tags: addiction, dependence, finding sagehood, overcoming addiction, workaholics