Beauty not in the eye of the beholder; it’s in the heart
May 28th, 2008 by spaceagesage
This is the fourth in a series of posts on of Creativity, Kindness, Love, Beauty, Expansiveness, Abundance, and Receptivity, which self-help author Dr. Wayne Dyer calls the Seven Faces of Intention.
As I wrote in the overview post about the Seven Faces of Intention, it is hard to fully appreciate true beauty in a world where Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt hold all the glamor and beauty prizes and where models, movie stars, and money moguls all try to present their best face forward to fit the beauty mold of the day.
In contrast, we have all probably seen true “soul-deep” beauty in action when we’ve been with someone whose very presence radiates love, warmth, openness, encouragement, kindness, and the feeling that everything really will be alright.
Some might point to the examples set by the Dalai Lama, Mother Theresa, or Mahatma Gandhi, but I bet we’ve seen it in the face of a dear relative, a true friend, or a life-changing mentor. Maybe it has come across in a person’s blog, song, poetry, photograph, or movie. Perhaps it is on the face of someone dying who has truly lived and who embraces the beyond. It could even in the presence of those cheerfully exuberant children who warms hearts and inspires all to make the world a better place for such young people.
Where can I buy that kind of beauty pill?
To find this kind of beauty, there are things to do and things to avoid. John C. Maxell writes about what we should avoid in regards to leadership in his book 21 Indispensible Qualities of a Leader, but they still apply here:
Things that hinder beauty
Pride. Nobody wants to be around {a person} who thinks they are better than everyone else.
Insecurity. If you are uncomfortable with who you are, others will be, too.
Moodiness. If people never know what to expect from you, they stop expecting anything
Perfectionism. People respect the desire for excellence, but dread totally unrealistic expectations.
Cynicism. People don’t want to be rained on by someone who sees a cloud around every silver lining.
Actions that make beauty flourish
Maxwell writes that in the To Do column, we need to: Love Life, See the Best in Others, Give People Hope, Share Ourselves. The power of beauty, as it reveals itself in hearts and minds and in our lives, is found in “othermindedness.” When we think about the needs of others and reach out a helping (not enabling) hand, we free both parties to become better people. Below is my take on these points by Maxell and how they help create beauty:
- Love life – the beauty of passion
People who love life send out positive energy that naturally powers up those around them. We love watching a person who performs, lives, or works with passion. Their inner fire warms our hearts and makes us want to be better people.
- See the best in people – the beauty of caring
In his book, Maxwell quotes Jacques Wiesel, “A survey of one hundred self-made millionaires showed only one common denominator. These highly successful men and women could only see the good in people.” When we help others by supporting, appreciating, and encouraging, they will return the love and help others. The beauty of caring and kindness is a self-fueling energy.
- Give people hope – the beauty of faith and optimism
When we give hope and encouragement to others in the fulfillment of their dreams and goals, it is like giving them impetus, energy, or the wheels to make it happen. We don’t do the work, we just show them the wings of their abilities so they can fly.
- Share Ourselves – the beauty of opening your heart
When we share — instead of horde or begrudgingly give out to favored people — our time, our wisdom, and our life stories, we open our hearts in a way that opens the hearts of others. According to Maxwell, by sharing resources, helping people network, inviting others into special moments in our lives we, “…add value to their lives by spending special time with them.”
How do we know when we’ve arrived?
(Even though it’s really a journey, not a destination.)
A beautiful soul is:
- Gracious
- Decent
- Serves the greater good
- Warm-hearted
- Courageous
- Generous
- One that others want to be around
The Bible is filled with examples, but here are two to think about:
- “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life” (about a wife and husband)
- “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”
I think, though, when we can know we are “getting it” is when we see beauty where others see non-beauty.
For example, my husband and I have learned there is beauty in my mother’s Alzheimer’s because it has forced us to become better, more loving people with her here at home and because her current state of forgetfulness gives her a chance to be more free and child-like after a lifetime of being in a prison of duty-bound perfectionism. We know it will get worse for her, perhaps she will eventually display paranoia or aggression, but we see it as more opportunity to let go and let God. Our goal is to take what some might call the “ugliness” of Alzheimer’s and transform it by the power of beauty. This doesn’t mean we live in denial – hard to do in this household – it just means we want to view the world with hope.
Beauty — like kindness, love, creativity — is not static. And nothing grows without nourishment of some kind. By learning from people, places, and experiences that nourish our own inner beauty, we can fuel the fire of our beauty and then start transforming our own corner of the world.
And you know what? The world eagerly awaits the beauty in you!