Three things that can hold you back
Jun 5th, 2008 by spaceagesage
As much as I may seek personal growth and change, I often find something holding me back, like a truck or bus that comes with a governor device to keep it from going over a certain speed limit. I want to push the pedal to the metal, but I seem to stay stuck in the slow lane.
Here are three things that act as governors on my life:
My story, self-image, and inner messages tell me lies
As a martial arts instructor, I have seen people change from victims to confident and self-aware individuals in a short period of time. I have wowed karate students by taking them into a new skill level they did not think they could possess with just a simple adjustment of their arm, leg, or balance. The look on students’ faces when they realize they can be free of limited thinking is one of the most heartwarming images I know.
Whether it came from parents, siblings, or life experiences, I know I can also get stuck into thinking “I can’t” too easily. I can even weave stories around just why I can’t do something, making the doubts more real. The “I can’t” mindset can be rooted in:
- Useless guilt (I feel bad moving from friends and family)
- Feelings of unworthiness (I don’t deserve this promotion)
- A simple lack of information (I don’t think I can do that)
- Being stuck in family culture (This was good enough for my family)
- Prejudices (Leaders should be held to a higher standard)
- Fear (If I make this change, I am sure I will mess it up)
Our games play us
I know a person who has such insecurity and fear of abandonment that he believes those in his circle of influence must be controlled by him to prevent them from causing him emotional pain. He pulls out every sales-talk tactic, transactional analysis skill, false argumentation, and verbal dodging technique known to humankind to keep himself “safe.”
We all have games we play. Sometimes we play games to get attention, to get back at others, to shirk responsibility, to place blame elsewhere, or to feel better about ourselves. The problem with games is that they end up harming relationships more than healing them. The games also keep us stuck in a rut where real change is dumped for keeping the games going.
The comfort zone seems just fine
Have you ever watched little kids longing to leave their parents to go do something exciting, like take an ice cream cone from relative they don’t know very well? Indecision makes them yo-yo between safety and taking a risk. Once they make up their minds to go for the ice cream, the decision usually comes with excited eyes and arms open to receive.
The same is often true when I want to make a personal change. I know it will make my life better, but stepping out of my comfort zone and risking my ego, my situation, or my emotions looks too terrifying. When my passion and commitment break me free of apprehension, though, that’s then I can finally run toward my potential.
These are just three ways we hold ourselves back from reaching forward, stepping out, embracing change, and skipping into a better future. They do not need to rule us! We can rip that governor right off our vehicle! I will write about this in upcoming posts.
What about your own governors? What do you do to overcome them?
Unless you are prepared to give up something valuable you will never
be able to truly change at all, because you’ll be forever
in the control of things you can’t give up.
~ Andy Law ~
I love your work and would like permission to reprint it and give you credit and include your website. I like the one on the seven faces of intention and most of your others. It would be in a metaphysical publication called In Light Times, (both hardcopy and internet)
Please rsvp asap. Thank you
Michelene, Publisher/editor
PS our website is being revamped and will be up in June. We average 300,000+ hits. Thanks again
What a great and oh too true article! The story in our heads is an “obstacle to cure” and happy living for many of us.
Thank you for your comment, Dr. Nicole Sundene. Yes, what a wonderful world it would be if we could drop kick those obstacles out the door!
I find it interesting that as I read your posts I find myself looking down the same paths. Just this morning I read a post you suggested I read zenhabits.net Fantastic advice. I’ll be going back to his site regularly.
I find myself making lists of things that can help me accomplish my goal and things that can have a negative impact. So much of the negative is me and my own road blocks. That most frustrating is that I created them, but I have a hard time erasing them. So I read this post of yours, and I become more confident im myself. Knowing that I CAN do it. I CAN finish my book. Now I just have to decide which one of the 4 I will finish. 🙂
Yes, it is frustrating that we created much of our own negativity, but hey! that’s also what is so wonderful. We can change! Imagine if your changing was dependent on someone else, like an enemy, some guy in Peru, or your brother?
Now, don’t you feel better?
Michelene —
Your comment got into my Spam filter, so this is delayed a bit. Thanks for your kind words.
Let me check out your updated site and email you later.
speaking of governors:
most of my governors can be traced back to fear (I have a huge ongoing-thought-study in progess regarding fear, sometime soon I’ll post my whole thesis) My big governor will be posted on my blog: imaginationoitanigami.wordpress.com
That’s a good question. To answer, I think I would not want a moment of arrogance or presumptuousness to do a dis-service to someone. It’s an interesting self-impostion where my friends tend to know me best for my high ability to allow others to have their own beingess.
I guess you can’t hold yourself back enough.
…that is “self-imposition”.