14 tips from a natural encourager
Jun 18th, 2008 by spaceagesage
Moving into a new space for the SpaceAgeSage blog is exciting for both my husband Greg and me because it is a big step toward eventually owning our own businesses and running them from home. I enjoy writing, he loves helping non-profits, and we both enjoy photography and videography. Plus, with both of us at home, caretaking my mother who has Alzheimer’s would be a whole lot easier. For both of us this change is a harbinger of adventurous days ahead.
When we first met and married, we realized stagnation would not be a norm for us. With dedication to kicking our emotional baggage out the door and with lots of prayer, we both embraced change and growth as a part and parcel of our marriage. When we picked up our marriage license 14 years ago, the clerk helping us just shook her head at us and predicted accurately, “Well you two will never have a dull moment.” I’m blessed to be married to such a man, and have learned more about personal growth from him than from any book or class. Of course, he has his crazy side, too — watching people’s reactions in a restaurant when he imitates a cricket sound is priceless.
I have to give Greg most of the credit for the wild ride of change and growth. His love of life and people, his lack of grudge-holding, and his child-like heart have helped us move into wonderful places and spaces of heart and mind. His modus operandi stems from these ways of thinking:
- See people as people with hearts and fears and dreams, not as their behavior
- Release the “Shields up! Red Alert!” way of relating and drop defensiveness
- “You can’t honor one person by dishonoring another,” so no gossip or verbal slams allowed
- If an idea comes to mind that someone else can use, give it away right away
- Angry, hostile, and manipulative people have deep hurts, so why add to them?
- At work, it seems better to plant trees than put out fires, but both help the forest
- Treat people, especially those under your authority, as you would like to be treated
- When faced with adversity, see it as an opportunity to grow stronger
- Allow people to fail, but not flail — direct their learning while teaching how to learn
- Help people make their own decisions and don’t be a rescuer or fixer
- Show appreciation in ways that generates inner motivation in others (instead of reliance on pleasing you)
- Be trustworthy, transparent, and keep confidences
- Work on yourself to develop self control so no one can push your buttons
- Live with the assumption that when you let go and let God, all things work out better than you can imagine
I think the bottom line of his way of being is that he is the eternal encourager. Such people re-fuel our hearts and our motivations. They allow us to see ourselves in a better and truer and sometimes more humorous way.
If you find such a person, trust me, it’s wise to treasure them always!
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What wonderful ways to describe Greg. I love the words you use to show others what he is like. But I know nothing short of spending time with him can make anyone understand what a wonderful human being he is. I value his advice, trust his judgement and look forward to his great hugs. Hopefully some day I can look forward to his foot rubs, he just hones in on one of those ‘spots’ and works it until I cry ‘uncle’. 🙂
Both of you have inspired me and my sisters to become better people and better writers. By the way, our website is up, and somewhat functional. We are still working through the creation phases, as you know all about.
Much love.
Melie
sistertriad.com
Melie — Thank you for your kind words! Greg is some kind of special.
I’m glad you are opting to go for it with sistertriad.com. Nice introduction! Oooh, can’t wait.
What a wonderful way to live life – you expressed it beautifully!
Mere — Thank you! I’ve always loved my husband for who and what he is, it just took me several years to finally know how to express it!
A beautiful love song.
He is special, but you are also to have found him and he you, and the balance for 14 years. As you know, I’ve had a passion for quotations recently. An anonymous author reminded me of Greg…”Life is not waiting for the storm to pass. It is learning to dance in the rain … dance on…”
Luck with the new site tho I don’t know if I want shorter blogs from you.
Hmmmm….. Greg. I can only explain greg as the feeling I got from watching Mork and Mindy when I was very little. Mork was weird, wacky, funny, lovable, absolutely unlike any person I’d met at the age of 6. When I first met Greg as some sort of early teenager, I thought he was from another planet too. He gave every little nuance of his zany and lovable personality with such generosity, even the strange and (what I thought was embarrassing back then) parts, surely he wasn’t from here… : ) He’s the only human teddy bear I’ve ever met. And by the way, he contains more of the true human heart than most other earthlings I know. I’m definitely left a better person for knowing him. Thank you for this post, I think I’m going to print out the 14’ers and post them on my little board for a while. Also? I love how much you love and respect your husband – It’s so refreshing.
Auntie M — and if anyone can dance or dance on or dance in the rain — it’s Greg!
Daleth — Mork-like, yes, but like Robin Williams, he has grown in his humor and his professionalism over the years without losing that “true human heart.”