Motivational methods to tackle insecurity, part one
Jul 7th, 2008 by spaceagesage
If we live with insecurity, then we need extreme motivation to break free of the molasses or concrete holding us in place. Different people are inspired to move forward and make changes by different triggers or catalysts. Some people think they need a swift kick in the butt, some respond better to a challenge, and others require a vision they can grab onto that will pull them forward toward a goal.
In previous posts we covered the nature of insecurity, causes, and why overcoming it can be so hard. Now, it’s time to tackle the tough stuff – finding motivation, part 1.
Insecurity is a leech on life. It tries hard to maintain the status quo out of fear of change. It’s a Catch-22: We want to free ourselves from a lack of confidence and self-doubt, but those very things drain us and hold us back. They exhaust us by making fear, low self-esteem, and a lack of confidence our constant companions. Creativity, personal growth, meaningful relationships, dream fulfillment, and getting what we want out of life cannot flourish well in an environment of such deficiencies.
In a future post, I will cover specific action items and how-tos in overcoming insecurity, but now it’s time to explore various motivations that can spur you into wanting to take those actions, starting with part one:
.
Guilt and shaming
I don’t recommend using guilt or trying to shame yourself into action. But with that said, many people who grew up in my generation and my mom’s generation respond well to guilt as a motivator. These clichés represent such a mindset:
- Keep a stiff upper lip
- Don’t wear your emotions on your sleeve
- If you fall of the horse, get back in the saddle
- Pull yourself up by your bootstrap
The caveat of being motivated by guilt (“How can you act like such a wimp? Stop whining, put on a smile, and go ask that person out!”) often puts us at the mercy of external and judgmental voices, which is part of being insecure in the first place. If we follow them, we are living life according to the will of others. Also, it is like trying to turn two negatives (insecurity + guilt feelings) into a positive (confidence).
.
Drill Sergeant
The military drill instructor or boot camp method of motivating yourself to a goal means putting yourself under the control of another who will “kick your butt” toward changing, learning, and improving. A life coach can do much the same today. So can a quality martial arts class. The MTV series Made is an Emmy-winning show where “coaches” take lucky teenagers through the steps required to push toward their dreams.
Most of my life, I was drawn to the drill instructor types because of my insecurity. I thought the external motivation could jump start my own motivation. It often did, and I learned a lot, but in the end, none of them helped me lessen the deepest levels of my insecurity. I learned to push myself to complete a duty or goal and to fill a role, but even as a third degree black belt, my insecurities still lived behind incredibly well-masked body language.
Realizing this was true about myself, my goal as a karate instructor was to create as much internal motivation as possible in students, and not make them feel like they should do well to win my approval, which would be external motivation. Having an in-you-face buddy or coach to spur us on can work for the moment, but what happens when the butt-kicker is gone? If you try to find enthusiasm and impetus via the motivation of another person, make sure he or she can help create real confidence at the same time.
“Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly.”
~ Stephen R. Covey ~
Challenge
Coaches and mentors often throw down a challenge to push the competitive nature within us. They might say, “So, you really want to live with insecurity instead of making a real effort?” Challenging yourself might sound similar: “I’ll be darned if I am gonna let this insecurity win!” or “I’m gonna overcome this insecurity so it stops owning me and keeping me a puppet to my fears!” The value in a challenge is that deep down inside we really know we can do it. The insecurity whines that it isn’t true, but we know when push comes to shove, we can rise to the occasion. Challenges like this pit our inner heart and soul against the superficial ego shield we call insecurity.
Challenging thoughts to consider:
- Is life going to get better by not facing insecurities? Why not take steps now?
- Does insecurity really enhance or improve life in any way? How will it feel to finally let go of it?
- Does insecurity really protect me from emotional harm or embarrassment or does it just keep me in fear and self loathing?
- Why do I want to hold onto something so destructive to my inner peace and well-being?
- Do I want to pass this on to my kids?
- If insecurity stops me from taking risk that can make my life better, why hold onto it?
.
Emulation
As a child, I was wanted to have the pluckiness of juvenile fiction characters Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys. They stood up to the bad guys despite their youth. They overcame obstacles the criminals placed in their path to save the day and help capture the crooks. My mother adored Katherine Hepburn and Grace Kelly. My brothers loved James Bond. As a karate instructor, I sometimes ask students to do their moves as if they are the bravest hero they know. Some fancy themselves to be Spiderman or Batman. Others pick a character from books, like Aragorn in J. R. R Tolkien’s books. When the students get fully “into character,” their karate techniques, concentration, and level of fun increases almost 10 times their previous efforts. Emulation is a powerful strengthener in the motivation process.
- Who is your hero?
- Really try to feel the hero’s inner strength, certainty, confidence, poise, and sense of security as you visualize him or her.
- Try to borrow strength from that imagery as you find yourself in situations that normally cause you insecurity or discomfort.
- Ask yourself, “Would my hero be afraid of this situation or would he take it in stride?
- How can you be more like your hero? What body language, depth of voice, and calmness of gaze does your hero have that can you try to “put on?”
- Practice in front of a mirror until you feel comfortable with your new hero self.
.
Inspiration
What makes us want to rise above our normal way of being? What makes cops run down a dark alley or a firefighter run toward the flames? What makes a mother fight for her child like an angry momma bear? What makes people like George Washington or Martin Luther King, Jr. still earn our esteem? These people find something outside themselves to pull them along. Insecurity or lack of confidence cannot reside where people are willing to give themselves to a just cause or to something greater than themselves.
- Search within yourself for strength. It is there.
- Remember moments of success and re-live them.
- Find a cause, a passion, a volunteer position that brings out your drive and determination to improve the world.
- Read, take classes, research into the most inspirational people you know.
- Fill your life with inspirational moments, movies, and memories.
- Look around you for the small inspirations — kindness, generosity, beautiful flowers, beautiful people, sunsets, great vistas, rainbows, etc.
.
Nearness of death
People who have experienced near-death situations or who have been told “You have six months left to live,” find insecurity leaves them pretty quickly. Thinking through what we would do if we had 30 days left to live helps prioritize our lives, too, but it requires really thinking it through. Make a list of what you would want to do, say, and be if you had 30 days left to live.
- What would you want to accomplish in that time?
- Who would you want to talk to and thank?
- What legacy would you want to leave?
- What would be on your “‘Bucket List” — wild things you would want to do if you were going to kick the bucket?
- How would you want to be remembered?
- How would you want to connect with your spiritual faith?
I wonder. Do you think during those 30 days that you would allow insecurity to control your actions?
– – – – –
More on exploring motivational methods in my upcoming post — part two.
– – – – –
Photo credit: speech path girl
[…] – bookmarked by 1 members originally found by blakehounshell on 2008-10-11 Motivational methods to tackle insecurity, part one http://spaceagesage.com/2008/07/07/motivational-methods-to-tackle-insecurity-part-one/ – […]