Seven steps to building confidence with a new worldview
Jul 11th, 2008 by spaceagesage
Now that I have written posts about the nature of insecurity, its causes, why overcoming insecurity can be so hard, and finding motivation, part one, and part two, time to tackle the specifics about how to overcome insecurity.
First, a quick review:
Insecurity is about how we view ourselves and the world. Previously, I discussed five causes of insecurity stemming from our past and the messages those events leave us with. In order to tackle insecurity, you have to address the root causes. One of the roots I wrote about was adversity, as in the death of parent during childhood. In this post, you will learn some micro-steps to overcome the message adversity tends to leave insecure people with: “Life is painful.”
Think of this message as an aching tooth that needs to be pulled. No one believes that allowing a painful tooth to stay put will make the agony go away. Action has to be taken. In the case of past adversity causing a negative view of the world, the action that has to be taken is changing our inner view of the world. Our mindsets, attitudes, and mental images of the world paint a picture for us every day of what the world is like, and then we respond to that representation. If we see the world as cold and cruel, we might be bitter, overly cautious, and withdrawn. If we see the world as a place of opportunity, growth, and open doors, we might be more friendly, accepting, and hopeful. Here’s an illustration of how our view of the world changes us:
Two shoe salesmen land in Africa. Upon seeing hundreds of people walking around barefoot. One salesman dejectedly sends a telegram back to his home office. “No sales here, no one wears shoes.” The second salesman enthusiastically wrote back, “Huge market, everyone needs shoes.”
Thinking the worst of everything is a cheapskate survival mechanism we use to keep our expectations so low we stay stuck in our ruts. We cannot face the world enthusiastically, powerfully, and with confidence if we see the world through defeatist eyes. To change our negative thought patterns, we must apply serious effort to re-wiring our outlook. Here are some exercises designed to make this happen:
1) The ten best times
Write a list of 10 of the best, most positive things that ever happened to you. Make sure to overcome any amnesia of success as you write this list. Refuse to let sarcasm, doubt, or negativity paint a weak picture of them. Take time to remember them fully, recalling details as much as possible. Hold onto those highlights and let them color your world with light instead of darkness.
2) The ten tough times
Write a list of the 3 toughest times in your life, and then think through how these moments actually made you a stronger, more savvy person. My father died when I was in elementary school, but the loss helped me grow up mentally tough, sensitive to the losses of others, and protective of the underdogs in life. His death left me with a passion to become a woman of power. I’m the caregiver for my mom who has mild Alzheimer’s and lots of short-term memory loss, but the experience has brought my husband and I closer as a couple, provided us with ample opportunities to increase our patience, and given us insights into what really matters in life. Think about adversity differently to see the strengths it gives you.
3) Fill up the tank
Find motivating scenery, books, blogs, magazines, movies, and heroes to fill up your mind with the power of the positive, the hopeful, and the encouraging. Avoid the downers in life, like watching the local news. My journey toward fuller confidence came after ready materials by self help authors Louise Hay, Dr. Wayne Dyer, and Max Lucado. These may not be your cup of tea, but much material exists to nourish the heart and mind with inspiration and uplifting thoughts, images, and ideas.
4) Take this one action daily
Promise the world you will take one positive action for someone else today. Buy a meal for a single mom and her kids anonymously. Let someone else have that parking space. Leave a good comment on a blog. Hold the door for the delivery worker you would normally not pay much attention to. Buy a balloon for someone’s cubicle desk. These daily actions don’t have to be big or ego-boosting, because just deciding to help make someone’s day, can help make yours instantly more upbeat.
5) List the good things
This is the same as counting your blessings. It’s hard to be mad or afraid of the world when you look at the good things you have first and foremost. If you have trouble with creating a list, imagine how grateful you would be to have your current life if you lived under the rule of a war lord in Iraq, a drug lord in South America, or a despot in Southeast Asia. I love having a warm house in the winter, a cool house in the summer, and food on the table. I love having use of all my senses and being able to truly enjoy my trips into the Colorado mountains. A deep, inner sense of gratitude is a powerful tool to overcoming insecurity and negativity.
6) Pick your affirmations
I was not always a fan of affirmations, but I have seen my life change slowly and with certainty because I put my focus on a more positive frame of mind. I’m not talking about Pollyanna stuff, but rather realistic investment into what I let my mind work with all day. I used to be afraid of success and failure. If something good happened to me, I was immediately on edge, thinking, “Oh, now what’s gonna happen?” I worried life would throw something bad at me to compensate for the good, so I would be anxiously waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now I don’t let that happen. I really do believe this affirmation that I’ve had on my wall for months: “I am safe. I rest securely knowing that only right action is taking place in my life at all times.” What affirmations make you want to stretch and grow to the positive?
7) Get support
Ask the people who love you or who you respect to give you list three things that make them happy, fulfilled, or inspired. See the power of positive thinking in action as you watch their faces light up. Find that energy and surround yourself with it. Realize that everyone impacts the world more powerfully than we can imagine.
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Confident and secure people — those who are comfortable with in their own skin — do not shrink from the world or from risk taking. They can do this because life is not full of pain for them. Instead, life is filled opportunities at every corner. Even if adversity strikes self-assured people right between the eyes, they find ways to turn it into a strength. When life hands them lemons, they not only make lemonade, they probably sell it for a profit and give a percentage to feed the poor.
“What you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing; it also depends on what sort of person you are.”
~ C. S. Lewis ~
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