Time to wrap up my series on Building Confidence by Overcoming Insecurity. I wrote the series to arm you with insights and action items to help you conquer insecurity and its root causes so you could begin the positive changes necessary to become the more confident and poised person you always wanted to be.
May you soon be saying goodbye to the rut-developing, stagnating, and imprisoning elements of low self-esteem and saying hello to a healthier mindset, better sense of self, and more powerful determination to take charge in your life!
Here are the highlights in the series:
- Self-doubt is a gas, not a solid
The past wounds and issues are just that — in the past, even if they happened yesterday. The only hold they can have on you now is if you make them into a concrete prison instead of a thought process to overcome. - Determination is your power source
Strength of resolve to change does not grow from a shrinking or apathetic heart. It requires effort. Effort requires a commitment so gritty and gutsy that the world seems to resonate with your unbending intention: “Great Determination doesn’t mean just you making an effort. It means the whole universe is behind you and with you – the birds, trees, sky, moon, and the then directions.” ~ Zen Master Katagiri as quoted by Natalie Goldberg, in the book Writing Down the Bones. - Analyze and change inner trash talk
Our minds can be constant critics, always seeing the negative before the positive. It’s as if we enjoy trashing our own skills, talents, dreams, goals, and desire to improve. Get off the trash talk track and refuse to belittle or guilt yourself ever again. - Failure is not loss
Failure may have been used to judge, penalize, or harass you in the past, but you don’t need to accept it that way. When we fail, it is not a be-all, end-all, encapsulated moment of complete loss. You don’t need to grieve over it either. Failure is simply a part of the learning process. The greatest moments of success have always been proceeded by failure. Use the lessons learned as stepping stones. - Feed the mind positives
You can drive yourself with a mental whip, but inspiration from positive moments allows you to grow and change in healthy ways as you move forward willingly and creatively. Find the positives in who and what you are and feed them, focus on them, and shoo the negatives away. - Record your successful moments
Cure yourself from the Amnesia of Success by journaling or blogging your success in written form. It is too easy for insecure people to dwell on what is not going right, so focusing on the big and little things that are going right helps us start painting the world in the same vibrant colors confident people use. - Take one step at a time
Face it, most of us want to be perfect, and we want it now. We tend to read a book, catch a wave of inspiration, or find resolve to make changes and then burn out of fuel with a manic, hyper expenditure of energy. Like a sprinter trying to maintain a fast past during a marathon, we would find it impossible to sustain that high level of output for 26 miles. By taking the one-step-at-a-time approach and by valuing our journey in all its up and down moments, we can eventually feel the snowballing momentum as we move forward and that is what will keep us moving forward. - Evaluate body tension
A lot of who and what we are is buried in our bodies. As a karate instructor of many years, I’ve can read a person fairly well by body language, voice, and eye contact within the first few seconds of meeting them. We carry our wounds, unresolved issues, and emotional baggage with us in our bodies, as well as our minds. Doing exercises like the martial arts and yoga and learning body relaxation techniques frees us and heals us in innumerable ways. - What do you repel or attract?
We tend to repel or attract good things into our lives based on our mindset. For example, an insecure person may timidly or embarrassedly refuse help from someone, while a confident person will just say thanks or no thanks. Take an internal assessment of what you push way versus what you attract in your life. As a young adult, I desperately wanted more friends, but a subconscious part of me was pushing them away at the same time. You may have to dig deep for this information, but it may explain some of the ruts in your life. - Create your own world
One thing we adults get to do is create our own traditions, rewards, and self approval. We can re-work, revise, or modify our world. We do not have to always seek the approval of others, we don’t have to color in the lines, we don’t have to bow unquestioningly to authority, and we don’t have to believe what our parents believed. Relish this creative freedom! - Feel the power of you support
Friends, family, spiritual understanding – all these can help build us up and support us in nurturing and challenging ways. Life is too long to live it every day listening to misinformed people, being controlled by manipulative people, or by commiserating with people who love to complain, blame, and whine. - Embrace the world
Learn more about yourself and the human mind in blogs, books, classes, magazines, retreats, seminars, conferences, conventions, or by listening to your grandmother. Join up, create community, find a valued institution or something bigger than yourself to believe in and work for the betterment of the world. - Ask the ultimate question
What would you do if you found out you had only one month to live? Would all the arguments with others, self-doubts, and lesser parts of who and what you are really matter any more? Remember the movie, The Bucket List about things you would want to do before kicking the bucket? Remember this Tim McGraw song, Live Like You Were Dying? Wouldn’t life be filled with so much more possibility? Ask yourself the question. Just ask.
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Photo credit: NEOPIXX