Things that keep us from relaxing
Apr 30th, 2008 by spaceagesage
Isn’t this photo of our male cat just the essence of relaxed trust? He knows he is loved, pampered and safe in my husband’s lap.
Sometimes it is hard for us humans to be so naturally at peace and secure with our surroundings. My recent self-help book readings have been to find what makes us humans tick and why some of us seem wired to being so wired.
Here are some things that keep us from “kickin’ back” in our lives. I gleaned much of it from the book The Wisdom of the Enneagram:
We allow triggers to go off — fear, anxiety, or doubt rarely crop up without a trigger. By uncovering and releasing ourselves from our puppet-like responses to triggers, we can learn to relax.
Guilt about the past & worry about the future — Neither of these are really helpful. Worry is a futile thing, it’s somewhat like a rocking chair, although it keeps you occupied, it doesn’t get you anywhere — Anonymous. Find a way to stay focused in the present.
We lack inner support — We want confidence, but sometimes we try to “… build a network of trust over a background of unsteadiness and fear” within ourselves. The result is a nameless anxiety. Personal growth, successes, and plain ol’ living help build up our inner strength, but it goes faster if we make personal improvement a goal.
We lack outer support — Real, true and honest friendship is priceless. Robert Louis Stevenson said, “A friend is a present you give yourself.” It takes time, energy, effort — and sometimes a bit of hair-pulling frustration — but finding supportive friends make life livable.
We have not followed our heart — Dreams, goals, wishes, and desires of the heart supercharge us. Plus, consider this from Doc Childre and Howard Martin, authors of The HeartMath Solution:
By using your heart as your compass, you can see more clearly which direction to go to stop self-defeating behavior. If you take just one mental or emotional habit that really bothers or drains you and apply heart intelligence to it, you’ll see a noticeable difference in your life.
We suffer from Amnesia of Success — life moves so fast or the negatives seem so real that we don’t stop to realize just how capable we are and how much we contribute. We really have no idea how many people we support and encourage by just being who and what we are.
We lack faith in the goodness of life — This leads to negativity as a default setting in the mind. I love this quote by the character Hub in the movie Secondhand Lions as he talks to a young man:
Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love… true love never dies. You remember that, boy. You remember that. Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in.
POCKET-THOUGHT:
We often refuse to take a good look at ourselves to see the value, worth, and impact we have on others, and instead we may belittle our accomplishments, we can downplay our role in a project, or we wrap our viewpoint of ourselves in negativity. All this can cause us to stay keyed up, stressed, and on edge.
What keeps you from being a more relaxed person? What can you do to improve your relaxation quotient?
Amnesia of success. My God I needed to see that!!
It made me realize that all I have done in my life is remember the failures………MAGNIFY the failures, and totally dismiss the successes.
On the other hand, I”m quick to tell myself that the successes were nothing compared to the failures.
WOW. Humans come preloaded and triggered to self-implode!
dana — glad the post helped! I have to credit “The Wisdom of the Enneagram” for the term Amnesia of Success. It’s a great book about why we do what we do!
This is annoying and a bit embarrassing, but every time I come to your site I start to cry!
I might be in denial, but it’s nice here and they know me by name.
My blog is a “jokester” type of blog. You know, “keep ’em laughing and maybe they’ll like me ” kind of blog.
I was the surgery patient who always told a joke before they knocked me out. ( If your surgeon is laughing, he’s less apt to kill you).
Your site is such a comfort to me. Thank you.
dana — It warms my heart (and motivates my typing fingers) to know my words have been helpful. I have found in the journey to wholeness and healing that there are tears and laughter … and some really loud howling at the moon. An aunt even recommended a little dish throwing — she liked the sound effect.
Excellent post. You could probably write a whole separate post just on triggers!
Clay Collins — I’ll get to that post eventually! Thanks.