Seven powerful tools to create real change
May 1st, 2008 by spaceagesage
At various times in our lives, we tire of our habits, our ruts, our limitations, and we decide to look deep inside to create change. Sometimes we succeed at making superficial changes, and they satisfy for the moment. At other times we crave meaningful and life-changing transformation. In the book The Wisdom of the Enneagram, authors Don Riso and Russ Hudson reveal Seven Tools for Transformation. In future posts, I will go into more detail on each one, but here are the seven (in bold), with my take on them:
1) Seeking Truth — going beyond the superficial problems to the deeper issues
Sometimes one negative aspect of our lives is a symptom of a deeper issue. In my younger days, I used think I needed to be brutally honest with people. I got a good feeling venting or playing devil’s advocate or trying to fix a situation. But the underlying issue was a need to push people away because some early family deaths made me fear emotional vulnerability. It has been far easier to tone down the truth pusher persona, than to work on the vulnerability issues.
2) “Not Doing” — finding, not fighting
As Riso and Hudson write, “The process of transformation sometimes seems paradoxical because we speak of struggle and effort as well as of allowing, accepting, and letting go.” Have you watched an overeager student, employee, or child try “too hard,” and end up taking longer than necessary, or stressing out, or quiting in frustration? Although they are “doing the work,” it often seems more like they are trying to “herd cats” or “push a wet rope.” To discover Not Doing in my life, I had stop seeking to control myself and others with perfectionistic zeal and instead let go and let God.
3) Willing to be open — trusting our inner nature and the journey
Dr. Wayne Dyer calls this “saying yes, yes!” to life. Riso and Hudson put it this way: “Life is a tremendous gift, but most of us are missing it because we are watching a mental movie of our lives instead.” I used to re-hash conversations in the past or worry about what I “need” to say and do in a future event. Neither one allows me to be me, because such mental activites turn me into an actor in my own mental drama.
4) Getting proper support — stepping away from those who hurt to those who heal
Doing what Riso and Hudson call Inner Work requires that our outer environment have some healthy contacts. It is important to find nurturing people, groups, classes, etc., so we can get encouragement, motivation and support. I used to disdain help from others — that vulnerability issue, again — but now I am blessed to have a husband of 14 years who helps me this way without letting me lean on him in unhealthy ways.
5) Learning from Everything — letting life speak in whatever language it wants
Whenever I begin a journey, I am eager to see the sights along the way. I do not approach it like a victim. The journey of change is the same. I listen and look for wisdom and insight everywhere, even if it comes from adversity, angry people, or my own goof ups. Some of the best lessons my husband and I have stumbled upon come from lines in movies (like The Matrix), from watching cats, and from care taking my mom, who has memory losses from stroke and Alzheimer’s.
6) Cultivating a real love of self — accepting our good and caring enough to grow
From The Wisdom of the Enneagram, “We must love ourselves enough not to abandon ourselves …” Inner Work is not fun because we must often discover and release some very challenging issues, but doing so enriches our lives. I spent my life avoiding my issues by embracing perfectionism, and although all that productivity seemed valuable, I see a lot of it was my own busy work to avoid the real Inner Work.
7) Having a Practice — allowing interaction with the Divine
Faith, belief, spiritual connection — many people, if not most, find that giving themselves to something greater than themselves opens up a better nature within. My belief in God is paramount to my personal growth, because I believe in his interactive power in my life. Others may use meditation, yoga, outdoor time, etc., to connect to something spiritual.
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These seven tools take commitment and time, but I have discovered that even though “The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step,” taking that first step is never a misstep.
Photo credit: speech path girl