SpaceAgeSage

Aug 25th, 2008 by spaceagesage

I heard something interesting last weekend that I’ve allowed to roll around in my mind for awhile. The gist of this person’s perspective was that ingratitude prevents us from truly moving through our own personal growth. Now I know the value of gratitude and its ability to impact the world, but I never viewed its absence as being so powerfully negative that it can hold us back.

According to Wikipedia:

Gratitude, appreciation, or thankfulness is a positive emotion or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive.

Well, that’s a nice definition, but what is gratitude, really?

Melody Beattie put it in this wonderful way,

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Wow. That is strong stuff.

In comparison then, ingratitude, like the anti-matter on Star Trek that explodes when it comes into contact with regular matter, holds so much negative power that it can counter and thwart our dreams, relationships, love, creativity, and passion.

Why is ingratitude so powerful? Because when we are ungrateful, nothing can make us happy, motivated, or at peace. Being unappreciative makes us hungry for more and never satisfied. Not being thankful leaves us constantly trying to fulfill an unquenchable thirst. A neediness exists that never gets met, and this perceived lack taints us down to our bones and marrow with an ever-present thought: It is not enough. This thought is one that often creates dis-ease within us, whether we know it or not.

The amazing part of the grateful and ungrateful mindset is that gratitude is a choice, and we can learn to embrace it more and more. Like a muscle that needs exercising, we can start any time on working to become more grateful.

For example, I am grateful to have Joanna Young up and running at her newly updated blog, Confident Writing. Welcome back, Joanna! (And readers, please drop by and say “hello” to her.)

This morning I was also grateful to see this on the horizon before sunrise:

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May your day be filled with moments of gratitude!

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Posted in Change & Growth, Impact the World, Internal wisdom, Meaningful Relationships

15 Responses to “Is ingratitude like anti-matter?”

on 25 Aug 2008 at 11:05 am1Joanna Young

What a beautiful post! Thank you, or as my good friend Rosa Say would say, mahalo.

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough” – what a powerful thought. The words send shivers down my spine.

And thanks for the mention and the link. It’s been a day for me to be very thankful for my on line friends!

Joanna
on 25 Aug 2008 at 1:21 pm2spaceagesage

Thank, Joanna! Good to have you back in the thick of things again.
on 25 Aug 2008 at 4:30 pm3Vered

I agree. Gratitude is one of the things that I’m trying to teach my kids, because I do believe that it will not only make them better – but also happier.
on 25 Aug 2008 at 11:44 pm4Evelyn Lim

Hmmm….it is a first for me too. I’ve never heard of ingratitude. I was thinking that either you are grateful or if you are simply unaware (a zero position). Ingratitude sounds like less than zero. But now as I reflect on it, yes…why not? Ingratitude can exist and can happen. It can relate to the case of a child who is totally not grateful to his (or her) parents for bringing him up. Instead, he chooses hate because they cannot afford to give him more material comforts. Hence, ingratitude points to a totally negative and destructive state of mind.

Thanks for sharing! I’ve learned a new thing today!
on 26 Aug 2008 at 5:48 am5spaceagesage

Hi, Vered,
Glad your kids got such a good mom!

Hi, Evelyn —
“less that zero” — I like your way of expressing it, too!
on 26 Aug 2008 at 2:25 pm6Davina

Hi SpaceAgeSage. I haven’t heard of ingratitude before now. I see gratitude as a gift not only to yourself by accepting something from someone with gratitude, but also to the giver in having their gift be received with gratitude. Beautiful photo!
on 26 Aug 2008 at 2:50 pm7spaceagesage

Davina,
Thanks — the sky was amazing that morning.

I see ingratitude much like a sense of insatiable entitlement, where a person expects things to be handed to them without honoring the gift or the giver.
on 27 Aug 2008 at 1:10 am8Al at 7P

Hi SpaceAgeSage,

Ingratitude was something I’ve been pondering (I didn’t have a name for it until I read your post). Pondering is not a strong enough word, I’ve been wrestling with it.

Gratitude is positive energy and ingratitude is negative energy, but isn’t ingratitude necessary for progress? If I’m in a job and I dislike the work I do, shouldn’t my ingratitude motivate me to find a better job?

To me, what I see being important is not only how we see the present, but how we see the future as well. Gratitude with the present and the future seem like complacency, ingratitude with the present and future is pessimism, but ingratitude with the present combined with gratitude of the possible future is a visionary. Maybe I’m thinking too much here….
on 27 Aug 2008 at 1:38 am9Barbara Swafford

Hi SpaceAgeSage,

I love the quote from Melody Beattie. That is so powerful.

I agree, being grateful is a choice, and when we choose to be grateful, we can turn our lives around.
on 27 Aug 2008 at 7:39 am10spaceagesage

Hi, Al —
Gratitude does not equal complacency in my mind, nor does ingratitude have any positive power — think of it as a black hole sucking in life and energy. Gratitude, like kindness, is expansive. “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life …” Melody Beattie. It comes with its own engine. If my current situation is horrible, I can be grateful for the impetus such adversity gives me to change, but if I’m filled with ingratitude, I will wallow in that mindset and go nowhere.

Hi, Barbara —
The power of gratitude is amazing, and I’m awed more and more by it and by people who live it.
on 27 Aug 2008 at 3:00 pm11Urban Panther

Whew! Do I know about this! I lived with someone for 16 years who was not grateful for anything. Notta, nothing, zilch. He did not appreciate his parents, his job, his siblings, any help offered to him, any gift given to him. It was awful to live with, but it must be horrific for him. He is on a constant search to find something to fill the void, without realizing there really isn’t a void there. He has all and more than he needs, but sadly he can’t see it.
on 27 Aug 2008 at 3:03 pm12spaceagesage

Hi, Urban Panther –
Wow. That must have been draining on so many levels. How did you cope?
on 29 Aug 2008 at 5:45 am13Urban Panther

I think I was able to cope, because no matter how negative he was to the world at large, to me, to my kids (sadly!), I always had a core sense that there was nothing wrong with me or my kids. I never bought into his ingratitude, and for the most part (I would slip), and could always say to myself that it was his issue/problem, not mine.
on 29 Aug 2008 at 8:34 am14spaceagesage

Hi, Urban Panther —
That takes some inner strength not to become tainted. Sounds like you grew up with or developed a solid sense of self over the years.
on 11 Sep 2008 at 5:25 am15Project Confident Friendship Recap

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