An interesting query for my readers …
Sep 15th, 2008 by spaceagesage
I’m curious. If you received an email from someone insinuating that you held a grudge against him, and this person added the following statement, what would you think?
“What concerns me though is the respect I have always had for your above-board and trustworthy ways.”
- Do you think the writer of the email sees himself as the judge of another’s behavior?
- Is the writer genuinely concerned about the reader or do you sense some guilt-inducing manipulations?
- How would you respond?
– – –
Interesting. I had to read this 3 or 4 times to process it (I have a head cold, so that would be part of it). Not knowing how the first part of the email was phrased it’s hard to judge. So, let’s pretend I am sending the email to someone. My sole intent would be to find out what the miscommunication/misunderstanding is between us in order to clarify, repair, and heal. The part you shared does not appear to have this intent, nor would I include it in the hypothetical email I was writing. Make sense?
Hi Urban Panther —
You do make sense. I believe you are right in that no intention to clarify, repair, or heal was intended by the author.
This sounds like an attack on you.
Sigh.
I sometimes hate email.
Hi, Vered —
Thanks for your feedback on this. Yes, communication is an art, but some people see it as warfare.
I think it is quite hard to say. There is no way of knowing without more information. Perhaps a response to say that you truly do not understand the email that you’ve received and asking for clarification may help. Feign ignorance (which in this case may be true) in your reply.
Hi, Evelyn–
I found it telling that the statement comes across as not being black and white in its meaning.
Hi – sounds like the person can’t say what their feelings are, so they talk about you instead. Unless they can tell you what is really bugging them, you probably won’t be able to do anything, I’d imagine. Good luck!
Hi SpaceAgeSage,
I have to ask, do you feel it’s necessary to reply or would it be better to just let it go and not respond? (I’m saying this not knowing your relationship with the sender.)
On the other hand, if this is from someone whom you like and respect, I would ask for clarification.
Hi, Robin —
Thanks for the well wishes. I could see that trying to clear the air would just muddy the water, but I’m not sure. A person who can’t say what they mean honestly is tough to deal with.
Hi, Barbara —
I have thought about the idea of not responding, but this person is a bit like a dog with a bone and does not know how to let something go.
It looks like an attack. I’d probably just ignore it.
Hi, Writer Dad–
Thanks for your perspective! I believe it was written to goad me into replying, something a subtle stalker-type might pull, to get me to communicate on his terms; so not responding – at least to those words — seems logical.
@SpaceAgeSage – re: I have thought about the idea of not responding, but this person is a bit like a dog with a bone and does not know how to let something go.
Then you let it go. Since you brought up the analogy of a dog, picture this. Your dog has something in its mouth you don’t want him to have, let’s just say a sock. You grab the sock and yell “no”. What does the dog do? Clamps down harder. You pull the sock, the dog pulls back. But, if you walk away, what does the dog do? Chews the sock on his own for a bit, gets bored, drops it, and moves on.
Speaking from personal experience, this isn’t about your Bone Chewer. It’s about you. Why do you feel the need to pursue this? Answer this question, and you will probably find you can walk away with ease.
Hi, Urban Panther —
Why pursue it? Good question. And yes, part of me does know it’s about me. I’m also responsible for setting boundaries with people. Thanks for the reminder, Urban Panther.
@SpaceAgeSage – that will be 5 cents please. *grin*
Hi, Urban Panther –
Such a deal!