Kindness — it’s even a Knightly Virtue
May 25th, 2008 by spaceagesage
As I thought about this post, I wondered what to write about Kindness that is new. I mean, hey, who among us is opposed to kindness or refuses to accept genuinely offered acts of kindness? Not only that, almost every religion honors kindness in their teachings. It even makes the Seven Virtues list (the opposites of the Seven Deadly Sins) and was considered one of the Knightly Virtues. And let’s not forget the Golden Rule.
Then I walked into my office, getting ready to write this post, when what do I see on the corner of my notebook computer? A magnet — the death-bringer to hard drives.
It seems my mother came in to talk to my husband and sat down in my computer chair. Being the type to clean all the time and because her memory isn’t all there because of past strokes and Alzheimer’s, she moved a therapy magnet, which had fallen onto the chair, to my computer.
How kind would you be if you thought your computer and all the files were ruined? How kind would you be if at the same time your husband says you need to find a receipt for an office chair bought in 2006? How kind would you be if also just at that same moment, a cat is scratching and meowing on the other side of the office door?
Thankfully, the computer seems fairly normal, perhaps just slower. (I will check this out later and stay in denial a bit longer.) Also, God has led me down this path of elder chaos before, and my heart has been made softer and less filled with expectations or entitlement when it comes to care taking my mom.
What did I learn from the crazy morning? Kindness requires that we honor it as a way of life, that we wrap ourselves up in it, and that we grab it off the Shelf of Nice Ideals and take action with it:
1) Kindness — honor it as a way of life
I think our culture sometimes prefers callousness, jadedness, and the ability to slam anyone on cue. In a previous post, I wrote about the power of kindness, but for this section, take a look at why kindness is better than the alternatives. Here’s a partial list of the opposites of being kind: back biting, unkind, hurtful, malevolent, malicious, spiteful, wicked, mean, nasty, unpleasant, vicious, vile, cruel, and heartless, ruthless, harsh, and hostile.
If any of us were on the receiving end of this list, we would feel blocked, weakened, or diminished. If any of us were to extend those actions toward others, we would still be diminished, because the energy or relationship dynamic is ruined, or belittled, or at least challenged.
Kindness has a completely different feel to it in our relationships. Kindness is about life-affirming actions, not damaging ones. Kindness accepts, heals, and embraces, instead of tearing or ripping. Kindness releases negativity and fosters forgiveness, instead of holding tightly to grudges and anger. Whether it is kindness to ourselves or to others, the result is betterment, improvement, encouragement, support, and nurturing.
2) Kindness — wrap yourself up in it
If kindness is desirable, how to we develop an attitude of kindness? We decide here and now to become kindness by putting it into what we say and do. We wrap our hearts and minds around the feelings and power of kindness. We embrace the idea of radiating kindness. We make it our mindset of choice.
Other thoughts on creating an attitude of kindness:
- When we come from a place of kindness, we can let go of ego, justification, expectations and entitlement.
- Instead of saying that someone doesn’t deserve any kindness, we decide to be the better person and offer it anyway.
- When someone is in need, we don’t think that they probably got themselves in this position and aren’t deserving of help, we help anyway.
- When someone shows us unkindness, we don’t immediately get upset, we decide to let go of the irritation or anger and give something of ourselves to the person.
- When we have the chance to give to a person or a cause, we don’t shout it out, we do it quietly, without fanfare, so we don’t let ego get involved.
- Whenever we can, we work on developing greater empathy and compassion.
- We recognize a need and fill it.
- We learn to support, encourage, and nurture others.
- We ask how we can help more than we let others do the work for us.
- We realize the alternatives to kindness can never improve the world.
3) Kindness — take action with it
You can like kindness and put on the attitude of being kind, but then what?
- Wake up knowing you are going to help at least one person today.
- Pray about or send loving thoughts to those around you.
- Whenever you meet someone today, ask yourself what kind things you can say.
- Ask friends what types of kindness they like or have witnessed recently.
- Ask, “What can I do?” or “How can I help? or “Can I help you with that?”
- Develop compassion and encouragement by watching people with those skills.
- Learn to put away the digs, slams, innuendo, and put downs.
- Release yourself from feeling entitled or needing to be justified.
- Seriously work on letting go of grudges, jealously, and vindictiveness.
- When you see or receive kindness, put it into memory and pass it on or play it forward.
- Make that phone call or write that letter that will bring a smile to someone’s face.
- Look for articles, blogs, how-tos on being kind and practice them.
- When you fail to initiate kindness, learn from what happened and move forward.
- Be a be a shoulder to cry on and an ear for friends who need someone to listen.
To return to the computer and magnet story, all seems to be working well. My husband and I spent half an hour looking for the receipt, we played awhile with the cats, and I never mentioned the magnet incident to my mother. You see, the thing is, it was my mother who brought me up to be kind to humans, animals, and nature. She may be losing some cognitive abilities and memories, but she never forgets to be kind, no matter how frustrated she becomes at her diminished capacities. How can I do less?
SpaceAgeSage
Well, you’re such a kind person, a kind child, and a kind wife for him. I admire you a lot as a writer… You’re one of the best
– ineedluv