Media fast opens inner vistas
Oct 23rd, 2008 by spaceagesage
When I began my media fast a couple of week ago, my first handwritten journal entry was smooth, flowing, and circular — a far cry from the short, choppy, sloppy stuff of the previous two days.
What could change my handwriting for the better so dramatically?
To back up a bit, I took a week-long break from all media as part a several-week adventure to access my creativity, using a book called The Artist’s Way at Work – Riding the Dragon. Twelve Weeks to Creative Freedom. Another part of the book involves writing three morning pages daily.
The most fascinating part of the journey is discovering and integrating the inner selves we all have — the ones we tend to listen to, perhaps a bit too much.
For example, many of us have an Inner Critic, a censor who likes to take what we think, say, and do, and filter it through negatives, nagging, and negating. It sounds like this:
- You can’t possibly think this will work!
- Why are you even going to try such a silly thing?
- Don’t you know you’ve failed at this before?
- If you say that, people will laugh at you.
- Never show your real emotions – people will hurt you for it.
- That person (job, goal, dream, lifestyle) is out of your league.
In my family, the Inner Critic is a big, bad bully who seems to get the upper hand in our thinking. I have yet to figure out if it causes perfectionism or if it is a symptom of perfectionism, but writing about it in my morning pages has helped me understand it more. I’m learning to use its quick eye for more positive things.
During the media fast, I found two other inner selves.
The Inner Taskmaster
One of my friends laughed when I told her this, saying with gentle sarcasm, “You have an inner taskmaster?” OK, OK, so I’m known for driving myself (and others) a bit hard — more so when I was younger, though. But now this part of me has a name, and during the media fast, I learned through the morning pages writing how it makes my body tighten, my breathing turn shallower, and my mind race like a whirling dervish, sometimes unproductively.
Remember the White Rabbit in “Alice in Wonderland”– I’m late. I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello,” “Goodbye.” I’m late, I’m late, I’m late …? Well he had a Taskmaster, too.
For me, the same urgency fills my body, but it sounds more like this, and so low you can barely hear it:
- I Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta do it now!
- This must be done as fast as possible.
- Nothing will wait for this.
- I must be faster, better, more efficient about this.
- I have to, I must, I’m obligated to, I better hurry …
- This is important!
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The Inner Gotta B. Right
Most of us like to think our version of reality is the right one, that our perspectives are probably pretty accurate. In my family, though, we had an unwritten rule: “There’s a wrong way, a right way, and the family’s way.” (That’s what I get for being raised around a bunch of industrial engineering types.) It shows up for me when these thoughts pop up:
- I think the movie lacked enough character development.
- I could have written a better plot than that!
- Why didn’t the designer move the bathrooms closer?
- You left out an important part – let me tell it.
- Whoever put up the signal lights doesn’t know how to sync them up with the others.
- Why did she ask that question in the debate?
- This doesn’t taste like my mom’s chili.
- That guy really can’t drive very well.
It may sound like the Inner Critic, but that Critic only directs criticism at me. My Gotta B. Right externally directs its criticism, judgment, and critiques.
Do you know how exhausting it is to tell myself I’m not good enough with my Inner Critic, drive myself to do better and better with my Inner Taskmaster, and try to fix the world and all the people in it with my Inner Gotta B. Right?
Sheesh! No wonder I’m tired most of the time!
And that’s why my handwriting changed. For the first part of the media fast, a deep inside part of me realized I could let a lot of that go for awhile. It allowed me time to relax, kick back, enjoy life, have a cup of tea, and take the time to let my handwriting flow across the page.
So now what?
I’m learning to listen to my mind and body – to become more aware — so that I can take a break, change my inner dialogue, and breathe deeply. Maybe even have a cup of hot tea and look out the window for awhile. Or take a walk. Or pet a cat. Or call someone. Whatever I do, I just don’t want to listen to the demanding clamor of my Inner Selves anymore, but I still want their “superpowers” to draw upon when needed.
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Do you have inner voices that drive you crazy or that help improve your life?
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Photo Credit: Esparta Palma
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These posts may also interest you:
Writing down to the heart of creativity
Yes, I survived the week-long media fast ā and learned lots!
Can I survive a week-long media fast?!
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This whole media fast thing is becoming more and more intriguing. Actually, so is the book you based it on….so, not going to answer your question for this post, because I think I would have to sit and identify my inner voices..which I am positive are there! Instead, I am off to order the book!
Hi Urban Panther,
Awesome! I’m sure you will find in an interesting journey. I will admit, I bring a lot to any book when I read it because I have a large library of stuff in my head already and certain passages resonate with me more than others. This book resonates with me all over the place — hope it does for you, too.
“Iām learning to listen to my mind and body – to become more aware ā so that I can take a break, change my inner dialogue, and breathe deeply.”
Just reading these words made me feel more relaxed.
I’m a very restless person. I am super fast and efficient, but it comes with a price: I don’t really know how to relax.
Hi SpaceAgeSage. This is terrific! We are so alike… in fact, it was as if you were writing my story too š I’ve seen this reflected in my handwriting too. I won first place in a handwriting contest (well, it was in grade 3), but I won!… Anyway, some days I don’t even recognize my own writing. And have you ever noticed that sometimes when you are writing that you are holding the pen with a vice-like grip? Like it has legs and is going to run off or something?
FYI SpaceAgeSage… I’ve cut back a bit on my blog browsing and have not been able to get to everybody every day. But I still enjoy your blog and am still subscribed.
Hi Vered,
My mother and oldest brother paid the price with strokes, so I’m working on not going there myself. That’s why I keep at this subject. I used to be wound up like crazy (translation “uptight”), but realizing that most of this comes from childhood messages has sent me to investigate the Enneagrams, NLP, EMDR, and a host of other subjects and healing modalities. It’s been a long journey, but a rewarding one.
Hi Davina,
I had great handwriting until I became a reporter and then all I had was speedy scribbles. When my hand tightens as much as you describe, I take a break — let it run off if it needs to!
Thanks for taking the time to read when you can — no pressure here — I understand.