Looking for authenticity
Dec 18th, 2008 by spaceagesage
Call it authenticity, transparency, or being human, most people appreciate when a person demonstrates an open genuineness. No one loves hypocrisy, artificial drama, or phony types. At least not for long. Most of us value Truth, however we define it. We want to trust, to know a person’s words and actions come from the heart, and to see clearly anyone’s agendas.
And yet, we — or those around us — fall so short of that magical openness.
Vulnerability, our protectiveness of unhealed wounds, and learned cynicism mix together to shut us down:
- We fear to ask for help
- We avoid certain social situations
- We run from difficult relationships
- We close our hearts to helping
- And then we wrap ourselves in protective justification about it all
Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve been guilty of everything on the list. Yes, I do manage to rise above my limitations and open the wounded me more and more, but it’s not easy.
I would ask my readers — any suggestions? What has worked for you? Are you a natural or do you have to work at it?
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Photo credit: speech path girl
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Not a natural at all. I have to work at it too. My kids help because they make me want to be a better person.
I love Rumi’s idea of the “open secret” -the idea that we keep secret our weaknesses, thinking it will harm our relationships, and yet others are thinking the same thing; they keep their weaknesses secret as well.
These secrets are no secret at all -only we’re afraid of sharing because we know there are others that prey upon vulnerabilities so our innate survival instincts try and shield us.
Perfect Love casts out fear.
Where love reigns, love of self, love of others, but starting with love of self!, we are willing to share our secrets, and what we once perceived as weaknesses become strengths to others, and we, living life in this way, become more authentic, rising from glory to glory!
Hi Vered,
Me neither, and yes, others can motivate us in many ways, especially those who look up to us. I admire those like you who want to push their own envelope when it comes to becoming a better person. Go, Vered!
Hi Michael,
Hello and Welcome! Thanks for commenting.
Good perspective on Rumi’s idea, and yes, I agree Perfect Love casts out fear, but I’m curious where does it start for you? What is the first step on the path?
Hi Lori,
I, too, am guilty of all of these. Why? I think I put up protective walls to insulate me from what I perceive as “bad” things – people’s views of me changed, vulnerability, weakness, not knowing how I’ll be taken, etc. And in so doing, the “real” me can sometimes become buried.
I’ve found much comfort in this whole journey through writing. In fact, I’m really surprised at what I’ve come to say so openly out here, on the Internet, for the world to read. It’s one of the things I’ve also come to appreciate when I read – is the openness of people – and how it makes the conversation so much more authentic.
Now, doing this in all situations….
Hi Lori. I strive to overcome all of these, but it’s a constant learning process. It keeps me on my toes. I work at looking ahead and “seeing” and choosing what I want to invite into my life. We can choose the learning or we can run from it. There is learning in both of those cases. Love the wounded you 😉
Hi Lance,
Blog writing has helped me open up, but the words vs. face time is so different. My defensive “Shields Up; Red Alert” self doesn’t get in the way so much online.
Hi Davina,
I like that very wise perspective, “…We can choose the learning or we can run from it. There is learning in both …”
It’s tougher to love the wounded me, but at least I’m learning more about the process!
For me the secret is learning to handle rejection. It’s going to happen when we stop hiding behind a social mask, and it doesn’t have to be a big deal if we’ve learned to enjoy our own company. The stronger we are internally the easier it is to be authentic.
You just keep doing timely posts. Two nights ago I ‘heard’ the Urbane Lion through the filter of my Ex. When the Lion gently pointed out what I was doing, I had a full blown post traumatic stress episode. My body shook uncontrollably for over an hour. It was very scary! The Lion did everything in his power (mainly hugs, soft words, and gentle massage) to see me through it. I thought I had stopped filtering my experiences through dark glasses, but I guess not. Fortunately, with the love of a very good man, I will slowly clear my vision.
Hi Jean,
Insecurity is the root of so much human grief isn’t it? And healthy humility grounded in peace with self seems to have more strength than all the macho types in the world.
Hi Urban Panther,
Go Lion! I’m so glad he is there for you. A lot of folks don’t know that post traumatic stress isn’t just from having been in military war zones, it can come from stuff like this as well.
My husband and I faced a lot of these “voices” and their triggers early in our marriage, but mine were woven around family perfectionism and his around worthiness issues. These issues tend to hide in the body, and when we face them, our bodies and emotions can take a roller coaster ride. Although I feel for you for undergoing that episode, I know it has cleared your path and vision immensely. It’s nice to keep dropping that baggage behind us!
I think that lack of authenticity is rooted in lack of self-acceptance. A lot of people pretend to be something they’re not because they fear that others will reject them if the knew the truth. That just leads to a whole bunch of people hiding their reality in order to be accepted by others who are also hiding their reality. It turns into a really elaborate and completely unnecessary charade.
Hi Marelisa,
Yes, what a tangled web we weave when we try to hide!