Sometimes we really are our own worst enemies.

Part of us may want to push toward a dream or goal that requires work, and at the same time, part of us runs from it.

The part that wants to run tells us that if we start down this path, all that work will be too much. We see it through a picture of pain - seeing ahead to all the work, effort, failures, setbacks, and times of remotivation. It is as if all the required future effort gets piled into an emotional, “NO! Don’t do it! ” even before we start.

I imagine it visually as a butterfly trying to lift a brick and keep it airborne with wings that rip from the effort. Yes, hard work is, well, hard, but that extra self-limiting thought can make it even more unbearable.

How many of us put off dietary changes, exercise, job searches, relationship improvements, and other goals because we feel like that butterfly?

Our tendency to push so hard against what isn’t even really there yet (the big picture of pain) may stop us dead in our tracks before we start or soon after our first tough moment. Because of this, many motivators, personal development bloggers, and self-help books tell us to slice and dice the monster image down into doable steps.

Rather than saying, “I will clean the whole house today,” some of the advice these days tells us to select a manageable portion of the problem. For example, take five minutes a day on your closet until it is done. Take fifteen minutes of picking up and cleaning in the morning. Take one weekend a month to do a 4-hour focused organizational attack in one area that needs it.

This type of approach gives the poor butterfly a chance to pulverize the brick and move it one piece at a time, with each completed job allowing for a sense success that builds over time.

How do you approach the big projects, goals, or dreams? Does working piecemeal help you tackle them?

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Photo credit: speech path girl

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Tags: change, dreams, goals, hinderances, motivation

A lovely, warming thought from Brian Andreas:

Connection

there came a moment in the middle of the song when he suddenly felt every heartbeat in the room & after that he never forgot he was part of something much bigger

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These words help reveal the online world I frequent. Many experts say it is all about the conversation or jumping on the social media bandwagon, but it’s the connection I value. You know that moment, yes — when something clicks in your heart and mind as the words or images on the screen suddenly make you care about something more than yourself or you see something inside yourself that changes life in varying degrees?

How do you make those connections? Once made, how do those connections change you?

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Photo credit: speech path girl

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Tags: connection

As I write this, it is Halloween, so a good time to unload your scariest moments, your phobias, your current political fears, unease at the future, or anything else you want to get rid of.

What grabs your heart and mind and makes them a little numb with fear and why?

I don’t fear spiders so much anymore, but did you know almost half of women and only 10 percent of men have arachnophobia (fear of spiders)? My biggest fears are more social ones than those of nature, government, or creepy critters like the eight-legged ones. Scariest moment? — Not being met by my contact at the Madrid, Spain airport after flying there alone when I was 19.

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Photo credit: speech path girl

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In doing Inner Work - a.k.a. personal development - I discovered the Enneagram personality types awhile back. From that research, I realized my personality is rooted in the need to be secure and safe. According to the book The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Riso and Russ Hudson this is how my personality is:

• Basic Fear: Of having no support and guidance, of being unable to survive on their own
• Basic Desire: To find security and support
• Superego Message: “You are good or OK if you do what is expected of you.”

For me this meant having a tendency to jump into a group and become The Indispensible One. This didn’t mean becoming high-profile, necessarily, because the head that sticks up gets chopped off, but my personality type is often needy to be needed to protect itself from being left out or isolated. I also seek to know all the rules of any group or organization, to more quickly fit in.

In being a beginning blogger this meant my personality type felt an anxious rush to find out how to blog properly and then build a secure network to feel accepted and safe. I felt compelled to do more and more online to make this happen. After awhile in this self-created pressure cooker, I realized I was doing the same things I have done in the past, things I thought I was over.

People with my personality type who are more dysfunctional or unhealthy, will often face a life of anxiety as they search for that sense of protection. Those who are more mature and have done Inner Work, will have learned to have faith in themselves and trust in the goodness of life. The way to abundance for these types, according to the authors of The Wisdom of the Enneagram is to “Remember that it is your true nature to be courageous and capable of dealing with life under all conditions.”

My media fast helped remind me of that so I could come out of my own amnesia about it.

Is there a part of you that keeps cropping up and makes you say, “Hey, didn’t I already deal with this?”
Or have you ever felt this way:

—-Before enlightenment …
chopping wood, carrying water.
After enlightenment …
chopping wood, carrying water.
~ Zen proverb ~

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These posts may also interest you:

Lost childhood messages

Seven powerful tools to create real change

Things that keep us from relaxing

Tags: Enneagram

I’m blessed to live in Colorado, where I’ve seen deer like this one my friend photographed, bears, eagles, and many other animals that live mostly free from human interference. Two questions today:

Have you ever held the gaze of a wild animal?

What do you see when nature — in any form — “looks you in the eye?”

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Photo credit: speech path girl

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